A trip down memory lane...

Today was quite interesting.  I went down to BalletMet (you have to capitalize the M...you have to!) and shadowed a friend of mine who works in the marketing and development of the company.  The work he does is really incredible considering all of the different aspects he has to juggle, not to mention the ability to utilize creativity while still keeping everything in order.  I'm not too much closer to targeting what my ideal job is, but I have a feeling it will be more of a journey than a destination :)

One thing that I think some stress too harshly is having an ideal job or the ultimate career goal.  Not saying having goals is a negative thing -- you have to have something that motivates you -- but sometimes when your mind is so focused on one thing you lose sight of what is really important.  You may even miss out on something that was better than what you originally wanted, you know?

Being back at BalletMet is always nice and somewhat melancholy.  Today for some reason I just kept thinking about body image.  Naturally, being in a place where I was constantly critiquing myself and comparing my body to other people brings back this (really sucky) feeling.  

Body image fascinates me in a way.  I would love to be able to travel back through time and see how women in the past viewed themselves.  Did they care as much as we do now?  What about when it was actually beautiful to be more full-figured?  Would a skinny girl actually be the one feeling insecure about herself?  Did they go to great lengths to have younger looking skin or use numerous products to cure a zit?   Were women constantly worrying about breakouts, or was the topic of weight a common conversation amongst them?

Being healthy and participating in a lifestyle that respects your body is important, of course.  But I've gotta say, sometimes trying to look good all the time just gets tiring!  What's even more frustrating is when it's not even making yourself happy.  Whether you're trying to perfect yourself for a sport, the opposite sex, or that little voice inside your head that tells you you're not good enough or pretty enough, it will never be enough.   It can become an idol and take over your life, and for a lot of Americans (girls especially) I think its become a very real issue.  Of course, its a mental thing.  Its something you have to work through, and it will always be a hot topic as long as there are yo-yo diets and Oprah telling us we all have to try her mealplan so we can lose 50 pounds overnight.

The thing is, we are created in God's image.  Sometimes I forget that, "hey I have legs that work and I can see just fine and I've never even been to the hospital."  I'm pretty lucky and that's something I should be thankful for and praise God for keeping me safe instead of complaining about everything I think is wrong.  The truth is, God knit me together in my mother's womb and has a perfect plan for my life.  I'd say that's pretty amazing!  In Natalie Grant's book, she says "Who am I to question the craftsmanship of the Creator of the Universe?"  I say:  tru dat sister.

The Near Death of A Hopeless Romantic

Okay so every year exactly one week from the time we leave for vacation I try to get in shape really fast.  I think it’s a mental thing, like I think that by looking at people that are really in shape or do those pilates videos lead by people who are impossibly ripped I will suddenly drop 10 pounds and have great abs.  Oh if only it were that easy.  I took a boot camp class this morning and I am not impossibly ripped.  My derriere, however, is impossibly sore.

 

Also I check out about 20 books from the library expecting to read them in a week.  I could probably handle that if I wasn’t also watching kids, running away from scary dogs, forcing myself to work out etc.  In the end I only read 5 and end up with a bunch of fines.  I should seriously look into having Columbus Metropolitan Libraries dedicate one of those engraved bricks to me or something of that nature for all of the cashflow they get from my overdue books.

 

I had this grand plan this summer.  I was going to get all deep and philosophical.  I would pretty much memorize the history of every nation EVER and be a political science aficianado.  Then when I got home really none of those things happened.  Rather, I got cats, a nose ring, and read just about every relationship book in the library.  Every girl should read “He’s just not that into you”.  SO eye opening!  Seriously.  Give it a whirl.

 

I feel like I had reached a new level of understanding.  Sure I have had functional relationships in the past, but truthfully in the past year all of my relationships have been dysfunctional or purposeless.  Its not like I think that the next person I flirt with will be “The One” but really the purpose of dating should be to discover qualities in a person to see if firstly, you are compatible, and if not to have realized what you are actually looking for in a guy.  It should be being truthful to yourself, not making excuses for the person in hopes that maybe they will change to be the person you really want them to be, or kidding yourself that what you have is real.  You have to like the person for who they are.  You also have to be honest with yourself, even when you don't want to.

 

It’s also not using someone else as a coping method or because you are lonely.  It’s nice to have someone there for you.  Sometimes life gets lonely or it feels like everyone around you has someone.  And you’re just the sad cat lady with a bag of dove dark chocolates and Season One of Gossip Girl ready to pop into the DVD player.  But you shouldn't settle just because there is some hole in your life that you can't fill (which is usually God anyways to begin with).  Obviously neither of those situations are very healthy!  I’ve learned you’re never going to find someone by sitting on the couch all day playing Sims or whatever (even though an occasional Sims splurge is so much fun).  You have to get out and experience life!  Life isn’t about finding that one person that makes your heart flutter and your head spin and make you want to spend the rest of your life with them.  Because people will always let you down.  Finding that person can only make your life better.  But without loving yourself, who you are, your dreams, the journeys that have brought you where you are today, you can never love life, and never truly find someone to share it with you. 

 

So basically what I’m saying is if you need relationship help, I’m totally your girl.  And if you’re looking for an awkward double date partner, you know I’m always here for you.   But mostly what I’m saying is that this is a really long blog post.  And I am excited to be a Sophomore and to be fun and spontaneous, goofy and intelligent, beautiful and kind, and all of those things that I know I am.  I don’t need anyone to tell me what I am, because I know who I am and I believe it.  And once you do that too, wow life gets better.  But I mean, compliments are always welcome still J

 

 

 

“I am someone who is looking for love.  Real love.  Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love” 

 

The last episode of Sex and the City re-ran on TBS tonight and I couldn’t help but throw that one in.  See!  She had to dump the cool trendy artist man because she knew he wasn’t good for her.  Unfortunately, in most of our lives our “Big” one true always there for us love wouldn’t show up in the hotel shortly after the break up to ease the pain.  Whatever Carrie.

The purpose of life is a life of purpose

Why I'm the Bomb.

I typed a post for today and for some reason it didn't show up.  FML

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This is what shows up when i get on facebook.  Double FML.
So tonight while I was babysitting we were playing frisbee.  An innocent game of a flying plastic disc.  Nothing too wild and crazy.  BUT, I throw the disc too far and suddenly my lack of frisbee skill turns into me "not being fair" and "letting the older sibling win."  The little girl runs into the house crying. The little boy goes to run after her and consequently spills a root beer all over the garage floor, beckoning to ants and critters and the like.
Panicked, I say, "Jackson, go inside and tell your sister that she should have won and it was my fault while I clean up this mess."  Ten minutes later the little girl skips into the garage smiling.  I'm like, oh thank God, this is all fixed.  Then she looks up at me and goes, "Jackson says he wishes you would leave and never wants you to babysit us again."  
Excellent.  I am just flying high.  Luckily, he came down in a little bit and was no longer mad at me.  After humiliating myself by doing the robot in the middle of the neighborhood for them and their friends' mocking pleasure, and buttering them up with gifts of popcorn and apple juice I was raised back into good graces.  Ay yi yi, the things I do for money.  And the approval of children.

Pool Day

This is one of those days when I feel like the whole world is against me.  

SOMETIMES I HATE MY LIFE! only not really.  Meh.

Going to the pool.  Should be fun because I get to lay out and read 1 of my 3 books in progress.  

I feel like I should stop trying to care about politics.  Why do I care?  History is so much better because it already happened and 58079287545 people have already analyzed it so no matter what you think, you can't really be wrong because you're allowed to have your own opinion now that its years and years old.

Also I hope that none of the annoying kids are at the pool.  You know, the ones that stand over you dripping wet when you're trying to read and block out the sun so you get a weird white spot on your legs.  Those are the kind of kids that probably pee in the pool too.

The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn

Is just to love, and be loved in return.

I love rainy days like today.  They’re a little reminder that sometimes you need to take some time to relax.  My only problem is that I like to relax a little too much J

 

The girls are being very moody today.  Come on, I used to be a moody preteen (and I’m still moody) but I don’t understand!!  I am trying to be a cool, fun, babysitter.   I offered to have a fashion show.  Who doesn’t love a fashion show?  Thus, I have resorted to reading Harry Potter and folding towels while the girls nap and watch Hercules.  Oh Hercules.  Brings back great memories from the 7^th grade talent show.  I think 5 different groups of girls sang, “I Won’t Say I’m in Love.”  Moving performances.

 

I have really slacked in the blogging this week.  Even when I used to write for school there were just some weeks when I couldn’t come up with much to talk about.  I need some inspiiiiration in my head!

 

Well, last weekend I went over to Leanna’s and D.W.’s for movie and game night.  It was so much fun!  During one game we were playing, a certain comment about a certain orchestra director had us laughing until we cried.  I tried to conjure up my best “and then I found five dollars” stories and we watched Moulin Rouge.

 

I had never seen Moulin Rouge before, and it was truly a beautiful love story.  It was one of those movies that draws you into the story and makes you feel like you’re part of Satine and Christian’s romance.  Then of course at the end you’re like, “Well isn’t that life.  Once everything’s finally going right…” 

 

Anyways, being the hopeless romantic I sometimes am (it’s a chick flick induced illness) I couldn’t help thinking, “Where’s my Ewan McGregor!!  I want a love like that!”   Which, I hope I do find a person that will love me unconditionally, willing to spend life with me wherever it takes us, and wants to be with me more than anything else.  The thing is, there’s already someone who wants to take that role in my life.

 

Just like Christian, God will chase after us no matter how many times we try to run away from him.  And just like Satine, no matter how hard we try to deny it, how much we fight it, he will always be right there waiting for us and loving us, forever (Psalm 136:1).  God doesn’t care where we have been, just like Christian forgave Satine for her past life.  He longed for nothing more than for her just to love him back and spend the rest of her life with him, leaving her past behind (John 8:11). 

 

However, Christian was jealous and he couldn’t help it.  God is the same way, not so much as in the human form of jealousy, but he can’t stand for us to put our minds and worship on anything else.  Light can’t be with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14).  God should be our only one, our sole motivation deserving of worship and praise.

 

A friend once told me, “Elizabeth, you mean well and every time you falter you try to fix things, but I feel like you take one step forward, give up and take two steps back.”  As discouraging and hurtful as that was to hear, it was something I needed to hear (it was said with love).  I know how I am.  I know I make excuses for myself and many times perform the same action expecting a different result. 

 

“You don’t have to be perfect but the pursuit of godliness will bring you further and further into the mystery.  Like me you can probably expect to take two steps forward and one step back.  It’s normal, and you can’t let it deflate you.  Life isn’t about forward movement.  It ebbs and it flows.  You are not abnormal in that fact.  Just take heart in the fact that we are all in this together.”  -Hayley DiMarco

 

This was very encouraging to me.  I feel like I have been moving forward and I am in a very good place right now, but I realize that there is truly no moment of “arrival.”  Life never stops.  I am never going to “peak” or achieve the perfect life, there will always be the mountaintop moments and the valleys.  At East 91^st a really amazing woman gave me this verse, and it is what helps me persevere and stop living in the past so I can enjoy the journey and look towards the future.

 

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

          -1 Corinthians 10:13

The Worlds a Stage

Okay I lied...IT'S GREAT EVERYTHING :)!

I am loving the show so far and the cast is absolutely amazing.  I feel like every night the show strengthens.  I never stop laughing at Duke and King, Huck's voice and acting is great, Jim is wonderful...yesh I could go on and on.  But bottom line:  I love showtime.  This weekend has been so much fun and I feel so fortunate to be a part of it.

Right now I feel reassured about everything.  So much of the past few years have been spent uncertain.  You know, the whole adolescent thing, becoming who you are supposed to be and shaping who you are for the rest of your life.  I really worried I wasn't doing the right thing by quitting dance, or going to Butler, or even by chance decisions like nannying this summer or joining the musical.  The lesson I keep learning over and over again is that no matter what you do, as long as you do it to the fullest and best of your ability you will gain something from it.  Pretty obvious, I know.  It smacks me in the face everytime because I doubt...when really I just need to trust :)

If I hadn't stopped dancing I wouldn't realize how much joy and happiness it brings me.

If I hadn't gone to Butler I would have never met my unconditional, reliable, goofy best friends.

If I hadn't taken the nannying job I wouldn't have gotten to share the amazing and hilarious times with the girls.

If I hadn't done the musical I would have missed out on spending some time with some awesome people and forgotten what it feels like to be on stage.  Which is one of the very best feelings in the world.

Oh Muddy Watersssssssssssssssssss

So the musical is this weekend and I'm really excited :D  It's not great dancing or great singing or great acting, but it's so much fun and I love being on stage.  I missed it a lot more than I'm willing to admit.  Only I guess I'm admitting it now...yeah whatever.

I'm being really mean today.  Its a case of the mean reds (see Breakfast at Tiffany's for details).  It's just one of those days, you know?

Me and the girls made a Michael Jackson brownie memorial cake today and decorated it with umbrellas.  It was Kaysi's idea, because he always carried umbrellas to protect his skin.  I love those girls.  They keep me from thinking too much.  They're always doing something.  For some reason when you get old you just want to sit around and do nothing.  I mean seriously, I can just sit around doing pretty much nothing or napping, for way longer than should be humanly possible.  When did I become old and able to be motionless for long periods of time?

Also I suck at every card game known to man.  I cherish and embrace it.  We can't all be king of euchre and Uno but at least I can juggle...not.