I have many thoughts to process including soccer moms, welfare, "the irresistable revolution," fitzgerald, adolescence, relationships, and underwear. Just taking some mental (and physical too) notes for the future. But this post will be a premise of sorts for my summer and personal growth and where I'm hoping to go. I like to be goofy and serious. One of my good friends in particular is a master of transitioning from light conversation to deep thought (and not the ones by Jack Handey) at the drop of a hat. This blog might end up being like that or it might not. In other words, I have no idea where I'm really going with this.
This past weekend was a great revival for me. I went back to a leadership seminar I attended as a sophomore in High School to work and help out behind the scenes. Friends of mine were running the seminar for the weekend and it was of equal or greater caliber to the program I went through three years ago. The basic idea of HOBY -- Hugh O'Brein Youth Leadership, you'd be surprised how many kids coming there have no idea who Hugh O'Brien is-- is to show the future generations not what to think, but how to think. Too often in life we are handed the "answers" to difficult questions on a silver platter, whether by a politician, parent, or person we respect. We swallow them whole rather than taking the time and effort to form our own opinions. I do it everyday, and you do too whether you admit it or not. Yet much like the creed of the seminar, the manner in which we think is what needs to be changed.
The past year has been unhinged and difficult and wildly fun yet complex. Being on your own for the first time in one's life is an experience unlike any other. Its difficult to decipher between the actions you take because they are truly what you desire and those decisions made because of the influence of peers. Political Science class was a perfect example. My passionately Obama-devoted left-leaning professor was not afraid to make his opinion loud and clear. This could be traces of bittnerness leaking from the wound of not being offered tenure, but that's besides the point. I was raised in a very conservative household, but didn't want to limit my view. I wanted to give different ideas a chance. I mean I guess that's what college is for, its pretty much the only time in your life when you can still be confused about everything and get away with it. But what did that mean? Did I eat up the professor's words and digest them into my own doctrine? Could I do that yet still hold onto my own beliefs? What is the ultimate truth?
The old cliche holds true, "If you don't stand for anything you will fall for everything." There's nothing scarier than roaming around the gray area of uncertainty. Sometimes its a place you have to be though, because if you don't go there you'll never reason what is truth, never be able to fully believe something because you know from research and analysis that it is true. As a sophomore I don't think I was fully mature enough to understand HOBY. Of course I had a blast doing the cheers and grasped the concepts of the motivational speakers about being your own person, doing what you love and are passionate about despite criticism or doubt you may encounter. But now I realize that the Orwellian concept of mindless living is all too easy to fall into when one goes through the routine of life with no focus. My challenge for myself this summer is to find focus and truth. Figure out why I do the things I do. Obviously I probably won't have it all solved :) and I'll probably do some more stupid things. But I hope to get a little smarter before I got back off to Indy as a big bad sophomore.
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